


Siberia

by krazikrys



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Gen, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 23:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18509668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krazikrys/pseuds/krazikrys
Summary: Songfic to this song. It wasn't hard to do this one! Listen to it. It writes itself!





	Siberia

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this back in 2005. Listened to the song for two hours straight to write it. It wrote itself.
> 
> Don't know them. Never met them. No harm meant!

Brian Littrell glanced at the clock on the wall. It was seven in the morning. He had a small duffel bag placed near the door. He was heading up on a day trip to New York City for an appearance. He heard his wife, Leighanne bustling around in the kitchen with their three-year-old son, Baylee. He really didn’t want to leave, but the interview had been scheduled for a while. His solo album had just come out and he was heading off to go talk to someone about. It had been a long time coming for this album. Not quite as long as the album he had been working on with the group he was in. About six months prior, the Backstreet Boys had released the first album in almost five years. They had toured all summer and most of the fall. They had now taken a couple of months off and were planning on doing an arena tour starting in February. In the meantime, Brian’s solo album, a pop Gospel effort, had been released. He had had good reviews thus far and people were actually listening to it.

He sat on the stairs and looked at the door. He really didn’t want to leave but knew he had to. He watched as his wife walked into the foyer. He stood up and waited for her to hug him and tell him that she would miss him. Instead, she reached out and took his hand and said, "When you get back, we won’t be here." She pulled him closer to her. Brian stared at her. "If you wanna talk you can call me," she continued. He looked into her eyes. They were completely dry and empty of emotion. "It’s not your fault," she whispered.

Something in Brian’s head clicked. For the past few months, Leighanne had been disappearing for hours at a time. She wouldn’t talk about it, but Brian had initially thought she was just having some time to herself. Lately, though, he had begun to think that she was having an affair. She didn’t want to snuggle with him anymore, hardly wanted to touch him, and sex was almost out of the question. He forced a smile on his face and said to her, "Let go of me." She dropped his hand. "The only thing I want to know is if there’s someone else."

She looked at him. "It’s not your fault," she repeated.

Brian pulled away from her and grabbed his keys. This wasn’t true. It wasn’t happening. She’d be there when he got home, just like always. He grabbed his bag and walked out to his car. He drove away feeling a strange sense of déjà vu. He couldn’t quite place it. As he drove to the airport, he punched a number on his cell phone and waited while the phone rang. He heard his cousin pick up after the third ring. "Hey, Kev," he said with the phone on speakerphone and his eyes still on the road.

"Hey, Cuz, what’s up?" Kevin Richardson asked.

"Nothing," Brian lied. "I’m just heading to the airport." He sighed. Why did he call Kevin? His mind kept drifting back to what Leighanne had just said to him and felt like it had happened before.

"Okay, I’ll let Kristin know that you’re on the way. She said you can use her place to get ready." That’s why he was calling Kevin. Kristin had an apartment there for the time being because she was in a play. She had offered him a place to hang out before the interview. She was also going to pick him up from the airport.

"Thanks, Kev," Brian replied. He knew his cousin would pick up on something. He sounded distant even to himself.

"Is everything okay, Brian?" There it was. The question of concern.

"Yeah, fine," he told his cousin. "I’ll see you next weekend."

"Sure thing, Cuz." The cousins hung up, with Kevin none the wiser over what had happened. Brian wasn’t even sure what had just happened.

Brian was numb all through the plane ride to New York and when he met Kristin at the airport, she immediately noticed that he didn’t look right. "Brian, are you okay?" she asked him.

Brian stared off into space as he answered her, "Yeah, I’m fine. Just nervous over this interview."

Kristin nodded as they headed out front and she hailed a cab. They rode in silence to her apartment, which Brian knew she found weird. They had always been able to talk about anything, something. Silence was never an option with them. Usually, Brian was going on about his son, but not today. Brian really wanted to tell someone about what Leighanne had said, but he really didn’t think she was telling the truth. He wasn’t feeling anything at the moment. He wasn’t nervous or excited over the interview, even though he should have been. He didn’t feel sad or shocked or angry about what had happened at home. He just felt numb. It felt like a struggle just to move. Just getting out of the cab and up to Kristin apartment wore him out.

The interview took about an hour and fortunately for Brian it was all about his album and not a thing about his wife. He did mention his son a couple of times. How could he not? Baylee was his world. About five that evening Brian was back on a plane heading home. He almost didn’t want to go home. What if what Leighanne had said was true? What if she wasn’t there? What would happen then? Was it really a surprise? Or did he just not want to believe that she could’ve been having an affair? What if she had taken his son with her? What would he do without Baylee? 

As he drove home, his mind raced around what was happening. Why did it seem so strange? Why did it seem like he had been through this once before? As he turned down his street, fear gripped him. He quickly started scanning the road, hoping he would see Leighanne’s car as he pulled into the driveway. It wasn’t there. Something ran through his head.

_When you come back I won’t be here_  
She said and gently pulled me near  
If you wanna talk you can call  
And no it’s not your fault 

He knew the words. He just couldn’t place them at the moment. He climbed out of the car and grabbed his bag. The house was dark. Maybe she had just run out to get dinner or something? Maybe she was with someone they knew?

_I just smiled and said, "Let go of me._  
Now there’s something I just gotta know.  
Did someone else steal my part?"  
She said it’s not my fault. 

The words ran through his head as he walked up the pathway to his front door. He put his key in the door and turned. He opened the door and was engulfed in darkness. He called out his wife and son’s names only to hear the echoes around the house. No one was there. In the light from outside, he glimpsed a white piece of paper lying on the bottom stair. He dropped his bag, left the door open and walked over and picked it up. In Leighanne’s handwriting, it said, "If you wanna talk you can give me a call." It listed her cell number. There wasn’t anything else written on it. Brian knew then though that she had left and taken Baylee with her.

_When I came back she wasn’t there_  
Just a note left on the stairs  
If you wanna talk give me a call 

The words that were running through Brian’s head finally made sense to him. It was his own song. Well, the group’s song. His heart broke at that moment and he sank to the ground sobbing. He’d never see his son again. His wife of five years had left him and taken their son with her. More than likely she was going to divorce him. What was he going to do?

He picked up and held the note in his shaking hand as he stood up. The tears were still streaming down his face. He closed the door, locked it and walked over to the phone. He picked up the receiver and dialed his parent’s number with his left hand while he still stared at the note in his right hand. Slowly he sank down on the couch as the phone rang. His mom answered. "Hi, Mom," he sniffed.

"Honey, what’s wrong?" she asked.

Brian took a huge breath and more tears welled up in his eyes. "Leighanne’s left me," he whispered as the tears rolled down his cheeks. He heard his mother gasp. "She took Baylee with her." The mention of his son made Brian cry harder.

His mom sighed before answering. "Honey, come home. You shouldn’t be alone. You don’t need to stay there."

Brian sniffed and wiped the tears with the back of his hand, still holding the note. "I don’t know Mom."

"Just come home, Brian."

Brian sniffed again. "I’ll think about it. I’ve, uh, gotta make some calls," he choked. "I’ll call you later, okay?"

"Okay," his mom answered. "I love you, Baby Duck."

His mom hadn’t called him that in a long time. "I love you too," he replied. They said goodbye and Brian punched the "end" button on the phone. He sat there in the dark and wondered whom to call next. His fingers dialed his cousin in California. He didn’t answer. He tried the other members of the group and found them all busy and not answering their phones. He fingered the note. Should he call her? What would he say? What would she say? Did he even dare call his in-laws? Did they know this was going to happen? What would he say to them? Nothing sounded right in his mind.

Slowly he put the phone back in its cradle and laid the note next to it. He wandered upstairs and into Baylee’s room. He looked around at all the toys and clothes still left. Would he ever see his son again? He moved around the room, gently touching things, but not moving them. He finally reached his son’s bed. His big boy bed. With the race car sheets. Brian dropped to his knees, crying yet again. He was so lost in himself that he didn’t hear the front door open or someone walk up the stairs. He did, however, hear someone walk up behind him. "Leigh?" he asked, turning his head to look at the person in the doorway. Instead of his wife, he found his cousin, Kevin.

"Kristin called me," he said. "She said you weren’t yourself." Kevin dropped to his knees beside Brian. "What happened, Brian?" he asked. Brian buried his head in Kevin’s shoulder and sobbed. He told Kevin the whole story. Of what she had said when he left that morning. Of coming home and finding the note. And even told of the irony of it all, though by the note on the stairs, Kevin already knew about the irony. "Come on, Brian. Let’s go home."

Brian allowed himself to be led by his cousin down the hall and let him pack a few things. The pair headed downstairs and Brian grabbed the note before they left. Brian had a feeling that he wouldn’t be back except to gather his things. He also managed to grab one of Baylee’s stuffed animals. He needed something to remind him of his son. Kevin drove to the airport and they got on a plane heading to Lexington, Kentucky. From somewhere in his bag, he found the People Magazine with Baylee’s picture in it. He had carried it with him to New York. He had thought it was the cutest thing in the world. His son looked like he was having the time of his life. Brian was laughing in the photo. Leighanne was standing there posed. Brian closed his eyes and remembered the time there at Disneyland. It had only been six months ago. They were doing normal family stuff. Now that family was dissolving before his eyes.

When they got to Brian’s family home, his mom was waiting for him. She engulfed her son in a hug and led him inside. Brian felt safe for the first time in about twenty-four hours. It was about nine at night, and his parents were normally in bed by this time, but not now. Brian slept in his old bed and hugged his son’s stuffie. Things would be better in the morning, he thought to himself as he drifted off to sleep.

Things, however, weren’t better in the morning. Brian called his lawyer and discovered that Leighanne had called about two weeks ago asking about divorce lawyers. Brian filled him in on what had happened and was referred to a divorce lawyer for himself. He was told that without a prenup he would probably lose nearly everything. Brian sighed and scrawled down the number on a sheet of paper. He really didn’t want to do anything about this. It was a dream and it wasn’t happening. But his family stood by him and helped him with the calls. 

When all was said and done and the divorce was final, Brian wound up with weekend visitation of Baylee and holidays along with two weeks during the summer. Of course, it was all dependent upon scheduling and everything. Leighanne wanted Baylee to know his father and wasn’t about to keep him from him. Leighanne got the house and the cars and nearly all the stuff, except for the awards and plaques for the Backstreet Boys stuff. Brian found himself a little apartment in Los Angeles. It put him closer to the members of the group and they supported Brian through the transition. When they had gone on tour in the spring, Siberia was one of the hardest songs Brian had to sing. Nearly every night he broke down by the end of the song. The fans knew of the break-up, but they had no idea how deep the song ran for Brian. Slowly, Brian put his life back together, but things were never the same. His trip to Siberia and the aftermath that followed haunted his dreams for years.


End file.
